Our Family Adoption Story by Sandi Gilmour
(Trigger warning: pregnancy loss)
Deep Lows and High Highs
Never in our wildest dreams did we expect the journey to grow our family to have so many deep lows and high highs. Mike and I got married in 2005, and the life we envisioned included children. So when I fell pregnant in 2009, we were over the moon. But our world came crashing down, one cold and rainy winter's day in Cape Town, when, at a routine ultrasound appointment, the words "I am sorry but there is no heartbeat" were spoken.
A few days later, I was in the hospital having surgery, with both of us young and grief-stricken, trying to navigate moving forward. Unfortunately, a few months later, we heard exactly the same words: "There is no heartbeat". It was suggested that we see a fertility specialist for further testing. What followed from this point forward was numerous invasive surgeries, countless blood tests, floods of tears, piling medical bills, a total of 8 miscarriages, and no closer to a reason or a solution to help us. My body was labeled a "habitual aborter", my self-esteem was broken, and our faith was barely hanging on by a thread. Over the years, I bought many “faith” presents. However, year after year, they stayed packed away, except for 2 names that I placed on the shelf in our spare room: Jack and Madison.
Many Sundays, Mike and I would quietly slip into the back of the church and just sob. My heart was crying out, "Why?". Children are a blessing from God. Did we do something wrong that we had to repent of? Did God not love us as much as others? It was a very dark, sad time for us, but I could see God's hand in our lives, and we turned to each other for support, which made us grow closer together through it all.
A New Start
It was the events of the previous few years that made us decide that we needed a new start. That new start was moving to Singapore, but the deep desire to grow our family never left us. We started getting to the point where our prayers changed, asking God to help us navigate life with no children.
Fast forward to 11 January 2015. A Sunday morning at church during worship, singing "Oceans". Specifically singing:
"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep my faith will stand."
At that specific moment, God spoke to both Mike and I. We leaned over to each other and said that we have to talk about something after church, later realising God spoke to both of us at the exact time, saying: NOW is the time to adopt! The peace that we felt was like nothing we have ever felt before.
We got right on to it! We researched adoption in Singapore, and everything we read was telling us how tough it was for foreigners to adopt and that we should expect to be on the waiting list for years.... but we knew God had spoken! We attended a pre-adoption briefing run by the Ministry of Social and Family Services (MSF), which was a requirement for prospective adoptive parents, after which we contacted a few adoption agencies to be put on their waiting list.
Expecting to be waiting for years, but clinging to faith knowing God had spoken, we were "officially" on the list on 3 February, and we got THE call on Friday, 6 February 2015, saying that there was a 10-day-old baby girl who needed a family! Our hearts knew! We met her and held her that very night and officially took her home on Wednesday, 11 February (EXACTLY 1 month since God spoke to us that Sunday morning at church). We named her Madison Grace Gilmour. The moment we held her in our arms, the love was instant!
We LOVED being Maddi’s mom and dad. There were days when we could not believe that we had a baby to love and care for. Adoption processes in different countries work differently. Maddi was placed with us before a home study was done. It was beautiful because we got to start bonding with her right away; however, the risk that she could be taken away from us was very real. However, we refused to let our joy be overcome by fear - that had happened way too many times before and we made a stand that the enemy was not going to take that from us. In the months that followed, we had 2 court dates. We were assigned a social worker from MSF who did home visits and interviews, and collected character references for us - the process was rather intense.
As If Born to Us
After 10 months, the adoption order was granted, and Maddi was our child “as if born to us”. She got her new birth certificate and was officially a “Gilmour Girl”. We also gave her a Chinese name, which was “Xuan En”, meaning to “declare/proclaim grace”. After going through her original birth documents, we saw that it was the exact Chinese name that her birth mother had documented on her original birth certificate. It was another reminder of God’s faithfulness and plan for our family!
Fast forward a year, and God was stirring our hearts again for another baby. Dare we even “think” about adopting again? I felt that we had to just be grateful that we had 1 child. Could we be bold enough to trust that God would open doors for another baby?
In September of 2016, I reached out to place our names on the list again, knowing very well it could be as quick as days or as long as years. That very same day, we were called to say that there is a baby boy who is expected to be born in a few weeks. 7 weeks later, I got a text at home on 17 November 2016, to say “Baby boy delivered” with the most precious picture of our son!
The next day, 18 November, we went to pick up our son, Jack Grayson Gilmour. His Chinese name: Jian En. Meaning: “to establish grace”.
The adoption order was granted 5 months later, and after reviewing the original birth certificate, we saw that the Chinese name that we gave him was exactly the same as the Chinese name his birth mother gave him. Yet again, God’s faithfulness.
Romans 14-17:
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Having gone through the process of adoption to grow our family has given us a new understanding of how we are adopted into God’s family.
Maddi and Jack are not our “adopted” children; they are our children (no prefix is needed). We are their parents, not their “adoptive” parents. They are ours, “as if born to us”. In the same way, we are not “sort of” children of God, we ARE children of God. We have the boldness to come to God as our Father!
Our journey has been one that we never imagined, and in every big and small detail, God has proved His faithfulness over and over again!
